The First Thanksgiving.

A hilarious reenactment of the first Thanksgiving that includes references to small-pox-covered blankets, the Pequot War, and King Philip's War:

A Talented Actress

Taking advantage of coincidence, porn star Lisa Ann has played both Sarah Palin and Tina Fey in pornographic parodies of, respectively, Sarah Palin's life and 30 Rock. Check out the hilarious trailers below .

Who's Nailin' Paylin? (This trailer is completely safe for work.)


30 Rock: A XXX Parody (This trailer is less safe for work due to a few women in skimpy clothing and some swearing.)

Internet Meme Timeline

The title is self-explanatory. Be careful: this site can waste all of your time if you let it.

Send rescue!

Below is a video that includes the 911 call made by a police officer who confiscated some marijuana and baked brownies with his wife. After eating the brownies, the cop calls 911 because he and his wife think they have overdosed and are dead ("Time is moving really really really really slowly"). Highly entertaining, though it makes me question how well police are educated about the illegal substances from which they supposedly 'protect' the general public.

Water slide.

This is a video Katie emailed to some people. I just uploaded it to YouTube and am posting the link. Enjoy.

The more things change...

I think all of you will be glad to know that The South is still The South. Yesterday in Marion, Alabama two families escalated their years-old feud into "'[...] a full-scale riot [...]'" involving up to 150 people (though other reports put this number closer to 300) and leading to eight arrests and two hospitalizations. The major source of the feud is unknown, but the the day of the riot two members of the involved families were arrested at the local high school for fighting. After these arrests, family members followed the police to city hall, where the riot erupted. According to a police sergeant, people were "'throwing jack irons, throwing tire irons, anything they could get their hands on.'" Maybe the funniest line of the AP blurb: " The town's police chief was hit in the head with a crowbar but was OK."

The Grangerfords and Shepherdsons would be proud, though none were killed in Marion.

Apple versus Microsoft.

I can't sleep, so naturally I am splitting time between television and videos on the Internet. I laughed out loud quite a few times watching this ad for a new smartphone that "runs Windows Vista and connects to the Internet through AOL!":


In the interest of a small amount of fairness:

Whackjob Roundup.

Maureen Dowd wrote a hilarious article this week entitled "Sarah's Ghoulish Carousel" about Sarah Palin's recent fear-mongering and attempts to keep her face in the national spotlight. The article includes hilarious lines like: "Consistency was long ago sent to a death panel in Palin world."

Michele Bachmann has revealed that she will only run for president "If I felt that's what the Lord was calling me to do [...]." Apparently Bachmann only decided to run for Congress because god "called" her to say that she should. After she was told by god to run she prayed and fasted for three days to confirm that she had correctly heard god's will. Jesus Christ that is crazy (note the lack of direct address--I refuse to talk to Jesus, even if he did manage to get Bachmann into office).

Feel free to add other deserving whackjob news to this thread.

Let's bring the blog back, people. I miss reading the posts here.

"The Jews and Their Lies."

Holy shit. I had no idea Michael Steele and the RNC could be so stupid as to create The Obama Card, a game that allows players to use their Obama credit card to purchase "Anti-semitic, anti-Latino, and overtly pornographic literature - with pictures to boot" (AMERICAblog). Apparently this material helps the public understand just how Obama's spending is destroying our country.

Using a search engine modeled after Amazon's, 'players' search for keywords relating to items they wish to purchase. A search for Jews brings up a set of thumbnail images including, you guessed it, "The Jews and Their Lies." One can also, with proper searching (as done by AMERICAblog), find items like "Sex Secrets of Escorts" and "Porn: Have Anal Sex and Call Her Best Friend for a Threesome". Seriously.

Also hilarious is the fact that certain words are banned: one must use homosexual instead of gay, and the word vagina is banned.

Check out the AMERICAblog post to see screenshots of some of the searches (for some reason Blogger won't let me upload these images).

One more MJ post.

Footage of Michael Jackson's hair catching fire during a 1984 Pepsi commercial shoot has just been discovered:


As always, I recommend everyone see the four-hour, made-for-TV mini-series The Jacksons: An American Dream, which dramatized the same accident in this way:

Invincible.

Hilariously, Michael Jackson's final studio album was named Invincible. Also hilarious is Michael's melting, whitening, clearly-not-invincible face, shown in its different stages throughout the years in the great morphing video below.

Fucking weak.

Students at two elementary schools in California will, because of a clerical error and strict laws regarding the length of school days, be forced to complete 34 extra days of school this summer. An associate superintendent, who has now conveniently decided to retire, mistakenly allowed the schools to have short days during the school year that were only 170 or 175 minutes, below the required 180 minute threshold that defines a school day in the state. The law is so strict that these 170 or 175 minute days, typically shortened to allow teachers more time to prepare lessons, do not count as even partial school days, meaning that if the schools hope to receive their usual amounts of state funding next fall the students must complete 34 additional at-least-180-minute days of school before starting summer vacation.

"Fourth-grader Sean Cornish says his classmates 'think it's dumb that they have to go to school for these extra days because some lady messed up.'" I agree, and also cannot believe the state laws do not allow the schools to make up only the missed time, rather than the number of days that were too short.

Strangely Badass IV: Mark Malkoff.

Here are the reasons Mark Malkoff is making this list of strangely badass people:

1. Mark is the audience coordinator for The Colbert Report.

2. Mark visited all 171 Manhattan Starbucks in one day:


2. Mark lived in Ikea for one week:


3. Mark started the first-ever Guns 'N Roses tribute band composed entirely of children. The band is known as Little GNR.

4. Lastly, Mark is living for one month (June 2009) on Air Tran jets to get over his fear of flying. On his peak days he will fly twelve flights. He will sleep overnight on the planes after the other passengers have disembarked.


Mark at one point in one of the videos I have seen also claims to have started the Naked Cowboy in Times Square. I can't verify this and it seems a dubious claim.

Banned cartoon.

As is described here, in this banned episode of Tiny Toon Adventures, "[...] Buster Bunny, Plucky Duck and Hamton Pig find a bottle of beer that never goes empty, then proceed to get drunk, steal a cop car, cause general chaos and collectively die by driving said car over a cliff."

An exclusive club.

From The Warren Times Observer, a Pennsylvania paper:


(In case you cannot read it, the ad says, "May Obama follow in the footsteps of Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, and Kennedy!")

Upgrading your outlook.

This is just one of many versions of this commercial:

Way Back Wednesday

For reasons unbeknownst to be, I've decided today would be a good day for posting a few videos from that "oldies but goodies" category. Enjoy, I guess.

They just don't get it.

Apparently sarcasm and satire are too indirect and subtle to be understood by those who live in a strict black vs. white, good vs. evil, dichotomous world. Research has now shown, "[...] individual-level political ideology significantly predicted perceptions of Colbert's political ideology. Additionally, there was no significant difference between the groups in thinking Colbert was funny, but conservatives were more likely to report that Colbert only pretends to be joking and genuinely meant what he said while liberals were more likely to report that Colbert used satire and was not serious when offering political statements."

In other words, conservatives don't get the joke.

Maybe I'm the only fan of both Conan O'Brien and Hunter S. Thompson...

...they're a pretty odd pair. Which is what makes this video, of Conan's visit to Thompson's "compound" (really) to "drink and shoot things," so funny.

For the record, I think the writing on Conan's show - like most late-night shows - was pretty corny and awful, and probably will continue to be. But Conan himself has a really funny personality, which is why his "in the field" segments are his best material. I also really like:

Conan in Finland,

Conan in Ireland, part 1 and part 2,

and Conan plays old-timey baseball