Who do you think Barack Obama's most ardent supporter in this country is? Outside of his immediate family, whose life would change the most if Barack Obama is elected president?
The answer? Levi Johnston. I mean, just think about it. If McCain wins, he's got to marry his on-again off-again hookup (whom he apparently isn't head over heels for), but if Obama wins, he's off the hook, free to knock up all the college girls he likes.
Also, I've been trying to turn "John McCain," "Sarah Palin," and "earmarks" into a dirty joke for about 10 minutes now with no luck.
UPDATE: This version corrects an earlier version of the story, in which I used "who's" instead of "whose" and died a little inside.
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While I fundamentally agree that our young Levi's life will be altered most by an Obama victory, I disagree with you limiting his future options to knocking up college girls. Levi should be allowed to continue to prey on the unsuspecting (believe me, none of the girls who would talk to Levi know enough about current events to know that he is to be avoided) and trashy Alaskan high school crop; this seems to be his native environment, and who am I to say that Levi should be removed from where he will have the greatest (in magnitude) impact on the world? That seems to me to be as un-American as telling salmon to stop swimming upstream, or asking our government to obey its own laws and agreements. I call upon all true Americans to let, nay demand Levi sow his hillbilly seed far and wide (and young)! America, fuck yeah!
ReplyDeleteHigh school girls: I keep gettin' older, they stay the same age.
ReplyDeleteMy newest post in conjunction with your ending comments: I say we give Levi's possible father-in-law what he wants: Alaska should have its statehood revoked.
I agree. Perhaps Sarah can negotiate Alaskan accession to the Red Empire with her old friends the Ruskies (you know, she can see Russia from her windows!).
ReplyDeleteYeah, I mean, she comes from a world of small town values, where you have barbecues with your neighbors instead of ignoring them, right?
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